Sex, Lies and Bertie Beetles: The Perth Royal Show

4 September 2013, 6:50am

Perth is set to be rocked to the core when the Crime and Corruption Commission formally announces that the Perth Royal Show is being investigated for racketeering in connection with the much loved Bertie Beetle chocolate bar.

It is well known that it is nearly impossible to locate a Bertie Beetle in Perth outside of the Perth Royal Show in September. Many Western Australians accept this as the status quo and spend each year longing for the chocolatey, crunchy bliss of the Bertie Beetle.

The CCC has remained tight lipped about their investigation, however they released the following statement to the media on Tuesday afternoon:

"Serious allegations have emerged that the Perth Royal Show is running a monopoly over the popular chocolate bar. It is further alleged: 

1.   Sexual favors have been solicited to secure the lucrative Bertie Beetle contract,                 including allegations of male prostitution and "reach-arounds'; 

2.  Side-show Carney's have been acting as "stand-over-men" and intercepting deliveries      of Bertie Beetles to Perth shops; 

3.  Despite the chocolate being widely available in other jurisdictions, it remains rare in        Perth, thus over inflating demand".

The Bell Tower Times attempted to contact local Perth shop-keepers to ask them about the seedy underbelly of the Bertie Beetle trade. No one was willing to talk to us.

However one shop-keep warned us about the living hell he endured after he tried to stockpile Bertie Beetles purchased at the Royal Show and sell them at a premium in December, he told us:

"All i'll say is that I woke up and found a Freddo Frog head in my bed and a free token for the ring-toss game at next years show... they were in my house...  you don't mess with these lads, they aint playing willy wonka".

The Bell Tower Times don't scare so easily. We promise our readers that we will get the scoop.