Top 10 Ways to Deal With Your Co-Workers

9 September 2013, 10:50am.

Suffering from a debilitating case of the Mondays? Contemplating pouring hot coffee all over the insufferably cheery work experience kid? We have all been there, oh yes.

Check our top 10 tips for surviving in the urban jungle we call a workplace:

1. Rock out while you work - nothing goes down smoother than listening to your favorite songs while you work. Resist the urge start drumming along with a couple of pens however. This will quickly earn you the title of the office fuckface.
   
2. Irish up that coffee - what your management doesn't know will not hurt them. A dash of Jamesons in your morning coffee can do wonders for taking the edge off. Be
   careful not to overdo it. We are led to believe that alcohol's
    relaxing qualities are often surpassed by  it's obnoxious-inducing
   capabilities.
   
3. Rub one out in the toilet - a strategic toilet wank has been used by
   businessmen for centuries. The after effect has the calming qualities of
   a Valium. Speaking of which:
   
4. Prescription drugs - there is nothing wrong with banging down a couple of
   chill pills before you need to deal with the vast array of scrotes that inhabit
   your work place. Remember, tempting as it may be, slipping one into a angry
    co-workers drink is still considered a crime in this country.
   
5. Vent your anger - a fantastic method used by our chief editor, is to write
   the name of the co-worker who has aggrieved you on a post-it note. Take this
   post-it note to the toilet with you, place it in the bowl, and literally piss on it.
   Therapy for beginners. Probably best to keep this practice to yourself though.
   
6. Leisurely stroll - there is nothing better than getting paid to have a wander
   through the City and have a gander at the many beautiful woman (or men). Don't
   over-use the stroll, we suggested a 10 minute walk 3 times her day.
   
7. Embrace scrotes - terrible personalities can be irritating, but
   remember when you deal with a scrote, you are simply gathering
   material to engage in a vicious lampooning session about them with your mates
   later on. Its the Australian way.
   
8. Don't be the sleaze - you wouldn't hound the cute little secretary if you
   saw her at a bar, so what makes you think you have a chance in the
   office? That cheap tie? Your bad hair cut? Hold it down boy.
   
9. Eat lunch outside the office - essentially, your co-workers are the enemy. You
   do not want your enemy studying your habits. Never eat at your desk.
   
10. Keep calm - remember, the best parts of your life occur outside of work hours.
    Maintain an active and healthy social life. You work for your employer but you
    live for yourself.