The Perth Photographer



Tom is the pile of crusty tissues next to the bed of amateur photography. A man with the personality of an FHM magazine and the artistic flare of a bus dwelling up-skirtsman.

Tom fondly remembers the first time he saw a girl bend over at the beach. From that point on he knew he wanted to be a photographer. However in his early days, his path lacked as much focus as the Polaroids themselves.

That was until he was struck with an epiphany on leavers after a girl obliged his drunken roar for her to show him her tits. Despite having the approachability of a entire drunken football team, Tom was able to talk to women through the medium of skank-whispering.

Thus, Tommy’s Naughty Photography was born.

Tom’s true talent doesn’t extend to lighting, angles, flash or any of that photography horse-shit. It lies in his ability to convince girls that his grainy photos will separate them from the desperate herd of insta-hoes who believe a tit-job and a pair of Calvin Klein undies is a pathway to Forbes.
How is his talent rewarded? Well, not with any form of income, which is fitting, because that's exactly what his services are worth.

It’s Wednesday morning and Tom has finished shooting a single mother who’d caught the bus from Rockingham. After greasing his fuckstick to the photos, Tom browses Instagram looking for new “clients”. He notices an up and coming Motoplex-model and messages her:

“Love your pics babe. If you’d like to step up to a professional shoot we should get together and chat, awesome exposure for you! tongue emoticon xxx”

Christ, his creepy message oozes its way into her inbox. Unfortunately, she is blown away by his fancy water marks and 3,000 followers. She agrees.

Tom can’t believe his luck, she agrees to some nude shots under the promise that he will tastefully Photoshop stars onto her nipples & poon.

Remarkable. Shooting amateur porn for no financial remuneration. Just for some photos to circulate social media and eventually be found by her family.

At which point, they will react like they’d found a tube of Zovirax at a glory hole: sickened but not surprised.

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