Wife Urges Criminal Husband: We Need to Spice Up Our Crime Life

17 July 2013, 8:40am

On the surface, Gordon and Misty Barnsworth are a perfect crime couple and are madly in love.

However, under the surface Misty is growing increasingly frustrated with her husband’s lack of criminal creativity and tires of the same smash ‘n' grab antics that drew them together 5 years ago.

Misty spoke exclusively to the Bell Tower Times:

“I fell in love with an impulsive and staunch roughneck. He actually proposed to me during a high speed chase. I remember the younger days when he would storm through the house at 3am and demand I accompany him on an armed robbery caper. I was having the best crime of my life those days. These days I am lucky to even be a look-out while he is rifling through peoples letterboxes. I have needs too”.

It seems the ever looming threat of imprisonment has slowly eroded away Gordon’s criminal libido, he tells the Bell Tower Times:

“Mate, I’ve got a suspended sentence and a Supervised Release Order hanging over my head. They’ve got me pissing into a cup every week, so I can’t smoke my magic rocks anymore. Meth was probably the biggest motivator in the creativity and frequency of my crimes. I know she wants a bit more excitement. I’ve been planning a rampage for when my suspended sentence period is up. I want to get in touch with our roots, steal a few cars, rob a few pharmacies and finish the night by belting someone who has looked at me the wrong way”.

Gordon has been a virtual no-show in the Perth Magistrates Court this year, only clocking up one attendance, for a minor traffic offence. Court Orderly, Ronald McShmee told us:

"yeh, we all miss Gordo down at the Court house. The way he would stare at witnesses and roll his eyes at the judge. He is one of those bad eggs that you want in your omelette  ya know? "

It is unclear whether Gordon will get his groove back before Misty falls out of love with him. We can only hope that this modern day Bonny and Clyde find what they are looking for.