Ponytailed Doofus Fails to Pull Off Leather Jacket

6 August 2013, 8:35am

Before the Purchase

Richard Cork, 34, has sported a greasy ponytail for the last 15 years of his life. He believes that the 10 cm ponytail gives him a mysterious charm, that the ladies cannot resist. 

On 5 August 2013, Cork received a generous tax return of $2,500.00 from the ATO. He instantly purchased a black leather jacket from David Jones, Cork told the Times:

"Um, hellooooo James Dean! I look totally bad-ass in this. John Kizon eat your heart out. Finally, girls will stop putting their hands over their drinks when i talk to them at bars".

Cork intentionally wore dark jeans and a white t-shirt to the store, in anticipation of his leather jacket purchase. Onlookers witnessed Cork smugly strutting around David Jones with the jacket and a pair of black Rayban sunglasses on.

We spoke to Donna, who was shopping at the time:

"I was speechless, he was swaggering around like George Clooney... he gave me one of those obnoxious pistol hand gestures when he walked past".

Tyrone told the Times:

"He fancied himself a pretty smooth operator. In my opinion he was failing to pull off a look that was never really popular in the first place. It was like the Hakea Prison's sex offenders unit was doing a rendition of Grease, and he was John Travolta".

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but man-ponytails and leather jackets do not match.