Marijuana Dealers Concerned With Meeting the Holiday Demand

23 December 2013, 9:00am

Marijuana has emerged as the holiday narcotic of choice. Thousands of Western Australians have expressed their unwillingness to deal with their families over Christmas and New Years unless they are baked out of their mind.

Marijuana is popular with Western Australians for its ability to increase ones patience, appetite and general euphoria. All essential traits for ones Christmas lunch. We spoke to Billy, 23, who told the Bell Tower Times:

"Fucking typical innit? You rock up to Chrissy and all your relatives bail you up at some point and ask you the same questions - what are doing with your life, hows your job going, do you have a girlfriend, etc. I used to get frustrated and loath Christmas lunch. However, last year I smoked a massive doobie with my brother before we arrived. I was so baked that the usual barrage of repetitive questions didn't phase me. It was brilliant, I swear by it now."

Billy's sentiments are echoed by many. The demand for ganja is so great, that Perth marijuana dealers are beginning to worry that they will be unable to keep their customers happy this year and be able to provide them with enough for the 2 week holiday period. We spoke to a dealer who wished to remain anonymous (for obvious reasons), he told The Bell Tower Times:

"Dealer-customer loyalty is the cornerstone of my business. There are a ton of lads out there setting up their own grow operations and selling shitty weed. I pride myself on only selling the strands of weed that the people crave - white rhino, AK-47 or Kush. I'm worried that if I cant hook up all my customers with what they need over Christmas, they will turn to these amateur turkey-fuckers. I don't get paid and my customer doesn't get high. No one wins. Except the turkey-fucker of course". 

The demand for high quality marijuana has become so great, that many dealers have been forced to switch their mobile telephones off on certain days - such as the Big Day Out and New Years Day.

We spoke to another marijuana dealer who told us:

"It is such a hectic time of the year for weed dealers, bra. My greatest concern is that when I'm outta the chronic, my customers resort to "open houses" - properties usually occupied by a gang of aboriginals who sell terrible weed from their front door and are open 24/7. I don't want my valued customers resorting to that. I've heard rumors that they spray their buds with fly spray to fool the consumer into thinking they are getting high - yeh, high off bug spray, bra". 

The message from Western Australia's weed dealers is simple - conserve your stash, plan for periods of drought and share with your fellow man. Together, we can all get through Christmas in one piece.