Perth "Shark-Cull" Fishermen Slaughter Ancient Dragon in Yallingup

28 January 2014, 8:30am

Colin Barnett's War on Sharks has seemingly awoken an ancient beast off the coast of Yallingup, a popular surfing town on the coast of Western Australia.

Department of Fisheries contractors were checking baited drum lines on Monday morning, when they noticed that the ensnared Great White Sharks had been bitten in half. At first, the fisherman were bamboozled - what type of creature could bite a 1 tonne Great White in half?

The fisherman contacted the lifeguard and after a conversation they all agreed that the culprit was most likely a giant squid - also known to make light work of wales in the deep. They couldn't have been more wrong - at approximately 8:00am  on Monday morning the shark cull fisherman were confronted by what they described as a "fucking dragon" that "jetted out of the water towards the sky like a NASA Rocket".

Fortunately for the terrified fisherman the mighty dragon had exhausted itself battling Great White's and was unable to breath any bursts of fire - presumably, the dragon had saturated its fire breathing chamber from spending so much time in the ocean. The exhausted dragon was no match for the fisherman's harpoon that nailed the beast right between the eyes.

Yallingup locals were shocked to see the dragon's mighty skull wash up on the shore this morning. It was obvious that the local sea life had picked the bones dry. The remainder of the carcass has not been discovered - however it is believed that Chinese fisherman may have purchased the bones to be used in conjunction with shark fins to create a powerful aphrodisiac in Chinese medicine.

Green Peace Australia and The Sea Shepard are up in arms, releasing this joint statement:

"We warned you Barnett! Culling sharks was always going to lead to the rise of the dragons. Great Whites are the enforcers of the ocean - baiting and culling them will disturb the ancient balance struck between the mighty sea beasts. If you continue to wage your war on the sharks then you will need to enlist the services of the Eco-Warrior Paul Watson - only Paul, who is rumored to have half dolphin blood, has the power to defeat a dragon".

Colin Barnett has remained tight lipped about he impending war against the dragons. He did however say, "the WA Government can get rid of any menace, no creature (human or beast) has ever been able to tolerate Troy Buswell's sexual harassment for more than a couple of weeks". We can infer from Colin's comments that Buswell will harness the power of misogyny to battle the fire-breathing foe.

God help us all.