Tony Abbott Discovers Source of Homosexuality

12 April 2014, 9:30am

"They thought he was mad... he was highly criticized for his views that homosexuality was a creature of science... but he has snapped the only known photo of the source where all homosexuality spawns from" - Liberal work experience kid, 2014.

Remarkable scenes unfolded yesterday at Parliament house when a highly excited Tony Abbott bounded from office to office showing staffers a photo that he had taken on his Samsung Galaxy phone. The photo is of a waterfall located in rural Australia, however, the photo is unique in that there is a beautiful rainbow mist forming at the base of the fall. 

In the opinion of Tony Abbott - the natural (and perhaps optical) illusion is dogmatic proof that homosexuality has a common source and therefore "spreads" from person to person. Much like a virus. 

Staffers were left shocked when Abbott asked them to refer to him as Tom Hanks from the "Da-Mincey Code", followed by his trademark spine-tingling cackle. One staffer even reported that Abbott spent a staggering 20 minutes sitting at his desk and grinning at the photo that was being projected onto a wall in his office. 

We were unable to get a statement from the Prime Minister however his right hand man told us:

"At this stage Tony is coming to grips with his discovery. We have sent out a crack team of scientists to assess the risk that the Rainbow Waterfall poses to the Australian population. If we experience a spike in homosexuality then there is buckley's chance that Abbott will win another election. We all know that".

We asked the right hand man whether Abbott had any plans to reverse engineer the rainbow and perhaps find a "cure" for homosexuality - the response was "what do you think, mate? Of course he does".

We can all rest easy, we suppose.