Outrageous: Notorious Slacker Calls in Sick With Hepatitis

12 June 2014, 9:00am

It is Thursday morning at Meat Packing Inc. Staff slowly filter in and enjoy a piping hot Nespresso coffee while checking their emails. To no ones surprise, Kevin McKaw has sent an office wide email advising that he is too ill to attend work.

In the last 3 years, McKaw has taken an outstanding, 55 sick days for a myriad of creative and semi-believable excuses: gastro, the flu, migraine headache, toothache, the list goes on.

However, on this cold Thursday morning, McKaw tried to go claim the holy grail of sick leave excuses: that he had contracted hepatitis while assisting refugees the night before. A claim so bold, that management shook their heads in disbelief.

We spoke to McKaw, who is currently on the 5th hole at Wembley Golf Course, he told us:

"Yeh, nah, turns out I didn't do me research on that one. Apparently hepatitis is a chronic disease of the liver mate. I didn't even specify which strain it was: A,B,C.... well fair to say I got an F ha ha! Yeh, nah, also turns out, that you really cant "come down" with hepatitis overnight. Work can blow it out its arse though, I'll fight them, mate". 

We contacted the HR manager at Meat Packing Inc. Who told us:

"Kevin is a few dumplings short of a Dim Sum, if you catch our drift. We will certainly request proof of this very serious disease, if he expects to get paid for today's absence. The most unbelievable part of the story is that Kevin was helping refugees, he has a "fuck off we're full" sticker on his ute!". 

Feel better soon Kev.