Today Tonight / ACA Journo

The Journo receives a hot tip from an anonymous source. Apparently, a landlord in Baldivis has refused to repair a tenant's gutters. Before informing himself of any of the relevant facts the Journo knows the angle he is going to play: Perth's dodgiest landlord refuses to fix tenant's gutters and given that Summer is 9 months away, the landlord is directly responsible for the inevitable horrible bush fires that may ravage the property. That blithering bullshit is more creative than the collage at the end of Art Attack.

The Journo knocks on the landlord's door and immediately gets in his face, "you tell me how you can sit here, in a house with beautiful gutters, while your tenant will almost certainly be burned to death this summer?" The landlord calmly explains that the tenant destroyed the gutters after being stung by the wasp of dumb-cuntery and pool-diving from his roof. The Journo dismisses this argument, "always passing the buck, well the people of Australia won't stand for it pal!" The landlord gives him the finger and slams the door. The Journo has a cunt-gasm while he licks his reptilian lips, he will be able to make this landlord look a sinister as Kevin Rudd at an insulation batt convention.

On his way back from Baldivis, the Journo receives another hot tip from his producer. A Town of Vincent Ranger has told an old man that he cannot feed the ducks anymore. The Journo feels the juicy rod of opportunity stimulate his manipulative kwon hole. He is going to burn this heartless public servant. How dare he deprive a man his right to feed ducks. The Journo gets in the Ranger's face and demands answers. The Ranger scoffs like the park-golf nazi he is, "the guy was masterbating while feeding the ducks!"

The Journo is torn. He has enough footage to twist the Ranger's words and exclude any mention of the wanking. Or he can run a new story about Perth's worst sex pest. Then it strikes him, why not run both! His feature that evening is a hit: a cold heartless Ranger drives man to sexual depravity by banning him from feeding the ducks!

Turds that wont flush bob happily in the stream of cheap, fear mongering television.