Mr #InvasionDay

Every Australia Day, Timmy shit-weasels himself out of the primordial goo of bogan Australia and flings judgey fuckery from atop his cuntory tower. Now, don't you fucking dare accuse him of doing dick all for Indigenous rights for the other 364 days of the year.  He has been busy waging tireless one day campaigns against the Melbourne Cup, the Bali death penalties and a monstrous two days of hashtaggery convincing Australians that #notallmuslimsareterrorists. Get this lad a god damn #medal.

Timmy awakens on the 26th and checks in on his lord & saviour Scott Ludlam. He notices that Jesus Scott Christ has posted a Change the Date article and his social justice glands start salivating. Now because Timmy isn’t a racist, drunk piece of shit like you, he decides to educate himself further. He jumps on the first google search result, an #invasionday article written by the internet's digital toilet paper manufacturer, Buzzfeed.

Half way through the article, Timmy decides that he has adequately  buzz-fed his appetite for knowledge and is somewhat of an authority on the subject. Alas, he is merely an attention-tourist taking a vanity vacation in another man’s struggle. Accordingly, he takes it upon himself to educate his followers:

“I’ve got to say, being an “Australian” makes me feel pretty sick today. I refuse to celebrate this day by drinking and covering myself in the colonial colours of a murdering regime. To all my friends “celebrating”, I’d ask you have a long look in the bloody mirror #invasionday”.

Phwoar. Timmy went harder than Peter Garrett on an ecstasy fueled dance-off. One of Timmy’s followers likes the status and comments, “well said my man, I take it you’re joining us at the invasion day rally?” Timmy is taken aback. Surely he has done enough already? His act of slacktavism has garnered 20 likes and a share. An act of actual activism would surely pale in comparison to the social media bombshells he’s dropping.

As the day rolls on, Timmy continues to post memes and articles. However, something doesn’t feel right. He decides he must roll out the big guns. He applies an Aboriginal flag filter to his profile photo. Hundreds of years of generational discrimination just took a major blow. The 26th January 2016 will forever be known as the day Timmy healed a nation by applying a fucking Facebook filter. Hold the phone, no, he also digi-signed a petition. Hallelujah.

Predictably, a flag-waving funnel-cock decides to spill a verbal  beer over Timmy’s page. “Love it or leave it dickhead”. The pair engage in a fierce keyboard battle. Timmy copy & pastes Indigenous facts while the other man patriotically declares Timmy unAustralian. The exchange is useless and the pair look like a couple of spoons at a spaghetti party. 

When you apply a hashtag shaped bandage, the pus of complacency will always ooze onto the wound that real activists are trying to heal.