Natharsha’s 2019 is off to a flying start. She has already lost 5kg from her NYE Origin pinga-fest and even woke up with her arms wrapped around the only constant rock in her life: the toilet bowl.
After serenading her housemates with the song of her stomach lining Natharsha was ready to be her best self, take 2019 by the horns and ride it like a stolen Commodore. She announces her intentions:
“2018 was pre lit, but also pre shit lol, 2019 is the year of Tarsh!!! There are dreamers, doers and then there is ME, new year new ME. Oh and no hate, I ain't bout that life, so if you are a jealous bitch you’re getting blocked in 2019! You do you, babes, and I do me”
Why does everyone born around the late 90s talk like a fucking idiot? Oh well with any luck, her No.1 “hater”, her father, may even stop staring into the cold abyss of parental failure when asked about her, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
After briefly glancing through a copy of The Barefoot Investor her mum got her for Christmas she opens up a new savings account. Feeling like the Warren Buffet of low fixed interest rates she turns her mind to filling it.
Unfortunately, her LashesByTarsh business is barely fending off the barbarians of rent and Afterpay, she doesn’t have any more second-hand clothing to flog off on Facebook and her boyfriend dumped her for sponging up his shit like a ShamWow infomercial.
Then it dawns on her if Snapchat views were dollars she’d be as loaded as Huey's second plate at Sizzler. It is so obvious, she embraces the spirit of bobs & vagene and starts plugging her “Premium Snapchat” on social media.
What is a “Premium Snapchat”? Well, it’s an ordinary Snapchat account where naughty pictures are shared in exchange for a PayPal transfer. Why would someone pay? Well they either missed the memo on the whole “porn is free” thing or they are so thirsty they make a vulture stalked African child look hydrated.
Well, there you have it, a savings account, drug-induced malnourishment and a foot in the porn door. Resolutions more basic than a headshot in GoldenEye with DK mode activated.
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