Voters Warned: Clive Palmer’s Jiggling May Have Hypnotic Effect

9 August 2013, 8:45am

As the Federal Election looms, voters have been warned to avoid looking directly at Clive Palmer while he delivers his campaign speeches, or risk falling into a pro-Palmer trance.

Body language expert, Craig Smith, told the Times:

“Clive has always maintained a husky figure to further his mining career. His gut and turkey-neck jiggle in such a way, that anyone speaking to Clive falls into a trance-like state and becomes agreeable to what Clive says.

 The best way to explain it is, if you sit at a desert buffet, you will take particular notice of the bowl of jelly. The way it moves demands your attention. Clive is that bowl of jelly”.

Palmer’s hypnotic qualities may come as no surprise to the Australian public. Recently, Palmer convinced investors to back a venture to re-build a fully working replica of the Titanic. A ship intimately connected with memories of ship-wreck, tragedy and death. Conclusive proof that Palmer has pulled the fat over investor’s eyes.

It has also been suggested that Tony Abbott’s cackle and Kevin Rudd’s constant stream of bullshit may also have hypnotic qualities.

The Bell Tower Times suggests voters close their eyes when Palmer delivers his campaign speeches and focus on the verbal-sewerage coming out of his mouth.

Happy voting all.