Mr #InvasionDay



Every Australia Day, Timmy shit-weasels himself out of the primordial goo of bogan Australia and flings judgey fuckery from atop his cuntory tower. Now, don't you fucking dare accuse him of doing dick all for Indigenous rights for the other 364 days of the year.  He has been busy waging tireless one day campaigns against the Melbourne Cup, the Bali death penalties and a monstrous two days of hashtaggery convincing Australians that #notallmuslimsareterrorists. Get this lad a god damn #medal.

Timmy awakens on the 26th and checks in on his lord & saviour Scott Ludlam. He notices that Jesus Scott Christ has posted a Change the Date article and his social justice glands start salivating. Now because Timmy isn’t a racist, drunk piece of shit like you, he decides to educate himself further. He jumps on the first google search result, an #invasionday article written by the internet's digital toilet paper manufacturer, Buzzfeed.

Half way through the article, Timmy decides that he has adequately  buzz-fed his appetite for knowledge and is somewhat of an authority on the subject. Alas, he is merely an attention-tourist taking a vanity vacation in another man’s struggle. Accordingly, he takes it upon himself to educate his followers:

“I’ve got to say, being an “Australian” makes me feel pretty sick today. I refuse to celebrate this day by drinking and covering myself in the colonial colours of a murdering regime. To all my friends “celebrating”, I’d ask you have a long look in the bloody mirror #invasionday”.

Phwoar. Timmy went harder than Peter Garrett on an ecstasy fueled dance-off. One of Timmy’s followers likes the status and comments, “well said my man, I take it you’re joining us at the invasion day rally?” Timmy is taken aback. Surely he has done enough already? His act of slacktavism has garnered 20 likes and a share. An act of actual activism would surely pale in comparison to the social media bombshells he’s dropping.

As the day rolls on, Timmy continues to post memes and articles. However, something doesn’t feel right. He decides he must roll out the big guns. He applies an Aboriginal flag filter to his profile photo. Hundreds of years of generational discrimination just took a major blow. The 26th January 2016 will forever be known as the day Timmy healed a nation by applying a fucking Facebook filter. Hold the phone, no, he also digi-signed a petition. Hallelujah.

Predictably, a flag-waving funnel-cock decides to spill a verbal  beer over Timmy’s page. “Love it or leave it dickhead”. The pair engage in a fierce keyboard battle. Timmy copy & pastes Indigenous facts while the other man patriotically declares Timmy unAustralian. The exchange is useless and the pair look like a couple of spoons at a spaghetti party. 

When you apply a hashtag shaped bandage, the pus of complacency will always ooze onto the wound that real activists are trying to heal.

11 Readers Comments:

  • Marty Day says:
    January 27, 2016 at 10:02 PM

    Fuckin' brilliant.

  • Anonymous says:
    January 27, 2016 at 10:20 PM

    smacks of….. what was the name….when they were all protesting about that arsewipe who was gathering child soldiers in Africa somewhere. How soon we forget. I like the last line, so easy to be a Facebook activist.

  • Unknown says:
    January 28, 2016 at 2:57 AM

    Tip top as usual Belle. Keep that shit coming. Your way with words is impeccable!

  • Unknown says:
    January 28, 2016 at 2:57 AM

    Tip top as usual Belle. Keep that shit coming. Your way with words is impeccable!

  • Anonymous says:
    January 28, 2016 at 5:07 AM

    Too easy really, and unfortunately not funny. When are you going to do Mr Bloggerthatjumpedtheshark? Man, that would be soo #meta.

  • Anonymous says:
    January 25, 2017 at 1:58 AM

    Fucking Kony.

  • Cole Patterson says:
    January 25, 2017 at 2:38 AM

    Love it ! "Surely he has done enough already? His act of slacktavism has garnered 20 likes and a share." Classic, he probably also fills in his days at Roe8 protests too.

  • Anonymous says:
    January 25, 2017 at 3:27 PM

    That last sentence/para is the kicker. It should be stolen and reposted everywhere.

  • Anonymous says:
    January 25, 2017 at 3:28 PM

    Pissing myself ... "The exchange is useless and the pair look like a couple of spoons at a spaghetti party."

  • Unknown says:
    January 26, 2017 at 8:23 PM

    I guess nobody has pointed out the irony of this post scrutinising pseudo intellectuals for using social media to promote their view point, while the author here has used those very same tools to do the same thing.

  • The Bell Tower Times says:
    February 2, 2017 at 10:08 PM

    haha ^ must be hard being a no-name dickhead. Jealous people listen to me, and all you can get is a narky comment on a thread.

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