The Human Zoo - Ms “R U OK? Day”



Tara springs merrily out of bed in anticipation for a big day of social media whoring. 

She has been meticulously planning her “R U OK?” selfie for days and to top it off, she is part of the organising committee for the "R U OK?" morning tea at her workplace. Is she OK? Well, she's going to get a shit-ton of likes and gets to wear a totes cute dress around the office, so yeh, she's pretty fucking OK today.

Before she gets changed for work, she slips into a pair of anti-anxiety undies and a depression-fighting skimpy singlet. She then applies enough self-esteeming make-up and sets her phone to a ‘dry-ya-eyes’ filter to bring out her perfect eyebrows and skin tone. She positions her phone in the most uplifting angle and takes a “meet sexy singles in your area” selfie of narcissistic proportions. She uploads the shot to her respective social media accounts:


 “Depression is like a totes serious thing so deffs have a chat about it #ruok#asksomeoneiftheyreok #today #nofilter#nomakeup #morningtea

Her usual fan base of desperado insta-masturbaters are quick to comment on how inspiring her selfie is. She has gained 22 likes in the first 10 minutes. How could anyone be feeling blue with those kinda stats! She slips into her megs 'lish summer dress and desperately hopes it will be the focal point of her morning tea conversations… oh… and cunts being sad and shit. She peps through the office door like a one-woman Wham film clip and begins setting up the boardroom as if it was Melbourne Cup Day.

10am rolls around and a stampede of sausage-roll focused office bison break into the boardroom. The room is full of dry conversations in between gluttonous bites of free food. Being fab, Tara swoons around the morning tea with a champagne flute full of Orange C. She makes sure one of the younger office girls is ready to take a photo when she goes and asks the wirey IT guy whether or not he’s OK. “Hiiiii ken or dave, so are you ok?” A breathless rush of social anxiety floods through the quiet man as he uncomfortably grimaces under the camera's flash and Tara’s Colgate grin, “just fine thanks”.

Her job is done, and she prances over to the camera to check how good the photo is. She examines the photo and loves how caring she looks. She uploads it to her social media accounts and also the office page. She has exercised the most shallow “just the tip” compassion, and while it may be good for the ego-goose it is invasive to the anxious-gander. To make matters worse, she posted the exact moment she belittled a man’s problems and slopped it on social media like it was a fucking gay ol’ time.

Tara is high on insta-likes and decides to sink lower than the meth crater in Russ O’Callaghan’s kitchen. She posts a somber black and white selfie with slightly less cleavage, and starts typing likes the keys were made out of hardened bullshit, “even I feel sad some days, but you just have to pick yourself up, shake it off and be the change you want to see in the world, stay positive and you can achieve anything #ruok #positivity#lifeisaboutattitude #behappy”.

Shameless.

20 Readers Comments:

  • Public Servant says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:26 PM

    Takes a douchebag to write such a shit article about an important day. Hope you r ok with yourself.

  • Max says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:47 PM

    Takes a dumb cunt to not get satire.

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:51 PM

    Missing the point much.

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:51 PM

    I liked it haha there are literally loads of fake people like this out there in the world. I don't believe writing about them incites any offence to the meaning of the day. Gave me a laugh so feeling OK today, thanks!

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:53 PM

    Dude
    Give it up
    You try to hard
    Your fifteen minutes finished half an hour ago

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 6:57 PM

    Don't be mean guys, there's a "Public servant" out there who is obviously a little bit sensitive on the issue, he is not ok because his vagina is sore

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 7:19 PM

    You absolute pelican. Hes ripping into people that are belittling the problem and people who take the day as a way to further their own popularity while not caring.

  • Anonymous says:
    September 7, 2016 at 7:22 PM

    Man, its almost like "public servant" also participates in shallow excersizes of virtue signalling

  • differently wired says:
    September 7, 2016 at 7:37 PM

    Brilliant. As someone who lives with the illness, this is possibly the best one you have ever come up with. Thanks.

  • Dan Carter says:
    September 7, 2016 at 8:02 PM

    Good writing, keep it up. Sometimes I don't get your references - otherwise great stuff.

  • The Bell Tower Times says:
    September 7, 2016 at 8:13 PM

    Ignorant fool

  • The Bell Tower Times says:
    September 7, 2016 at 8:14 PM

    Yet you are still here desperately trying to get my attention.

  • T PoweII says:
    September 7, 2016 at 9:30 PM

    Hahahaha wouldn't have expected such ignorance from a public servant - you don't work for the government do you, stupid???

  • Anonymous says:
    September 8, 2016 at 12:37 AM

    Don't give up your day job, OP.

  • Anonymous says:
    September 8, 2016 at 3:03 AM

    I guess public servant didn't get to many likes on their RUOK pics

  • The Bell Tower Times says:
    September 8, 2016 at 4:07 AM

    Ignorant fool

  • Daniel MOSES says:
    September 8, 2016 at 7:22 AM

    Love the irony of the mention of like whores on a piece written for likes and all the serious charcters that are like you hopless loser for not taking RUOk day seriously yep that pretty much shows how serious everyone takes it are they ok?

  • Daniel MOSES says:
    September 8, 2016 at 7:23 AM

    Love the irony of the mention of like whores on a piece written for likes and all the serious charcters that are like you hopless loser for not taking RUOk day seriously yep that pretty much shows how serious everyone takes it are they ok?

  • Anonymous says:
    September 8, 2016 at 3:22 PM

    So very true. It is something we need to be doing daily..not once a year. And as someone who suffers chronic depression I do find ruok very trite. If you really cared it wouldn't be about 1 flash in the pan day. Love the satire and you put a smile on my dial so am now feeling ok!

  • Anonymous says:
    September 9, 2016 at 8:16 PM

    The satire made me feel okay- thanks!

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