Top 5 Things to Do While Visiting Perth

1. Get Penetrated!

Hey, you are on holiday so you're basically unemployed, so do as the locals do and get pregnant by ramming your partner like a road raging Holden Rodeo. Kings Park is a great place to start but for advanced penetration make your way to the Swanbourne sand dunes where a leash is optional for dogging ;)

2. Chicken Treat

If you've never had chicken chunks microwaved to the temperature of the sun in a bun that has the consistency of the soggy biscuit loser's dinner then Chicken Treat is for you! Our state's eatery is found at various locations, but for the true experience, dine in and enjoy the local running of the charity tin from a local junkie!

3.  See a Live Fight

Maybe you've heard of Muay Thai? Well, pop on down to local fight club "Rockingham" for a live showing of "The Fuck You Looking At Thai". Fights occur hourly and if you are lucky you might get a chance to square up and fight a local - just make eye contact and face your knuckles forward when you stand.

4. Arts & Crafts

In Perth light bulbs aren't just land-fill fodder. We are the biggest re-purposers for bulbs in the free world. Learn how to fashion your old bulb (or the one from your neighbour's patio) into a container that is perfect for sucking up an icy refreshment.

5. Drive like a fuckhead

Budget rental will give you the perfect vehicle to merge dangerously, tailgate and if you want the full Perth experience, drive that bad boy into the Swan River while playing a cheeky game of Candy Crush. Remember, in Perth indicating is frowned upon and not practiced by the locals!

We hope this has been of help, enjoy your stay in Perth, and remember to leave an offering of shark fin soup for Emperor Barnett.

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