Top 5 Things to Do On a WA Public Holiday

1. Lose Your Mind Over Petrol Prices

Let the petrol priced hate flow through you like pollutants in the Gulf of Mexico. You can either rant like a lunatic to everyone you talk to or pull out a classic lower-middle class dad move and drive 45km to an obscure station to save $1.10 on fuel.

2. Get Double Demerit'd

Perth is all about choices. Either drive a precautionary 25km under the speed limit or get so frustrated you drive like you're gold starring in Mario Kart and cop the blue shell of licence suspension. Hell, you may even lose your job and subsequently your marriage, after all you know what they say, change is as good as a public holiday.

3. Take a Labour Day Selfie

What's Labour Day all about? Minimum wage or some shit. You don't know, fuck you probably don't care, but don't let that stop you from commemorating the day by getting your tits out and putting your face through so many filters you would think you were drinkable African water.

4. Fail to Pace Yourself

Three days off seems like an eternity from the soul destroying full timery you are forced into each week. You will promise to turn the weekend into a full blown Pepsi Max commercial. Well, the best laid plans of gronks and men go yeww'y when on the first night you consume more piss than Donald Trump in a Russian Brothel. By Monday you'll be lucky if you can get out of bed.

5. Shame Yourself at Rotto

Rotto is a beautiful island that turns into a shame buffet, and you know you're hungry. Maybe you can flirt with a rich wanker for the opportunity of having an unpaid insta-modelling shoot on his boat. Alternatively, become unemployable by kicking a Quokka, when in reality, you should be kicking your crippling shitcunt habit.