The Human Zoo - Mr Social Smoker

Chris takes a sip of his third pint and feels the insatiable stiffy of dart-lust grow. As per usual, Chris has not armed himself with a full deck before throwing himself into the beer & banter battle. He struggles internally with his urges while his lack of willpower sends smoke signals to his half cut brain, "mate, can I pinch a dart?" So it begins.

He takes a satisfying drag of a Benson & Hedges Smooth, "I'm so lucky I'm not addicted, could never smoke a dart sober, would make me yak, ay". Ah, the desperate reasoning of the social smoker. After bombing a few dexies Chris starts raiding his mate's pack like it was Rolf Harris' laptop. 

It's a good thing he isn't addicted though or the 8 darts he smoked in 1 hour may be cause for alarm. When the deck is empty he begins to feel some guilt, "don't worry bud, I'll grab a pack in a sec". At the counter, Chris experiences the consumer-shock of a parasite that only ever leeches darts, "they cost how fucking much?" He'll be bringing up this purchase for many drinking sessions to come. 

Chris charges back into the pub and spots a group of girls he went to Uni with. Fake tanned stunners in flowing floral dresses suck down darts while Chris yammers away, "only smoke when I'm drinking really, my smoker mates are hell jealous that I can just stop when I want". Chris is so deep in denial that he is fending of Egyptian fishermen.

As the girls retreat inside partly because it's cold and partly because Chris smells like a cross between a bus driver's cardigan and Asian businessman's morning breath. Chris defiantly remains outside. "I fucking hate drinking inside, love a bit of fresh air", he announces before coughing up something Barry Hall would consider finger-lickin' good. 

After one and a half packs Chris decides to call it a night. Unwilling to fork out another first born child on darts he walks home smokeless. This is until he passes a bloke smoking at a bus stop and offers him $2 for a dart, although if he is being honest he'd probably blow the guy at this point, not that he has a problem or anything. 

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