Tips on How to Survive Friday Lunch Drinks

For many office drones, the promise of a couple of frothies at Friday lunch is the oasis in an otherwise barren desert of mundane corporate life. Many of us yearn for an hour of freedom, but proper care should be exercised, especially in your younger years.

1. Freshen up: there is a lot to enjoy about a pub, but smelling like one isn't on that list. Make sure you are well armed with breath mints and cologne/perfume. Of course, subtlety is key, as swaggering in smelling like a Joop-soaked bum-grabber in a Subiaco nightclub is a clear sign of guilt. 

2. Resist the urge to banter: it is scientifically proven that 2 pints make you a funnier and more charismatic person (at least in your own head). However coming back from lunch and acting like you're Jerry Seinfeld is a bit of a giveaway. The peak of the buzz will last for about 20 minutes after your last pint, so it's best to weather your own chatty storm alone in your office or hide out in the toilet.

3. Look busy: always have a desk covered in shit. Documents, highlighters, post-its are all essential in pulling off the illusion you are elbow deep into some important business. Looking busy will reduce the odds you will be asked to perform a task beyond the scope of what you can really be bothered with after your lunchtime soiree.

4. Mid-Afternoon hangover: it's not a bucket next to the bed kind of hangover, more of an existential crisis of looming self-loathing and sadness that you are stuck in an office on such a beautiful day. This will probably sink in at around the 3:30/4 mark, so if you don't have any valium on hand, go for a walk and get a strong coffee to get you over the hump.

5. Eye on the prize: given your workplace will feel like a prison at the peak of your mid-arvo hangover, you must view the ever nearing after-work drinks as your release date. Within a few hours, you will be sitting around a boardroom slamming down Crown Lagers with people you don't particularly enjoy drinking with. Nevertheless, that's office life, and you signed up for it.