Surviving Work After Your Holiday Break

We've all been there, holidays are over and you board the train to work. A sense of communal dread makes it feel less like a carriage and more like a boat en route to the shores of Normandy. Like Tony Abbott at a female standup comedy festival, you sit at your desk in bemused silence, just counting down the minutes until you can leave, but it doesn't have to be this way.

1. Check Your Work Clothes Fit - odds are you have probably lost the battle against the holiday-ham and daily frothies. So not only are you irritated that you are back at work, but you look like 100kgs of potatoes in a 50kg sack. A quick shop the days preceding your return can help alleviate this pain until you can take up that gym membership you keep promising yourself.

2. Anticipate the Ghost Town - if you return to work on the 2nd of January be prepared to see your beloved city revert back to how it was in 1975. There are about 3 cafes open and the eerie silence of the streets makes you feel like you've woken up in the middle of dental awareness week in London. So maybe bring some lunch with you, or one day, be forced to tell your children of the time you walked 4km in the blistering heat for a shit BLT roll.

3. Don't Hate, Delegate - your email inbox is probably looking like a giant pile of manure, so heap as much of that shit as possible onto the junior staff and anyone still enjoying their holiday break. Not only will this lower your own sense of panic but you should find a perverse pleasure in knowing that when Mr "I'll be back on the 8th" finally rocks up, he will be reaching for the defibrillator.

4. When the Cats Away - odds are your boss has taken the entire of January off. So you can either sit in a stew of discontent and marinade yourself with jealousy, or you can use this period of serenity to your advantage. Treat yourself to a few extra long lunches, enjoy the lack of pointless schlong-swinging meetings and most importantly leave work earlier than a tradies alarm clock.