Joondalup Man Tells Son: It’s OK if You're a Poofter

22 July 2013, 10:45am

Cobber Branson sat down with his son, Sheldon, at the Sovereign Hotel on Sunday evening to catch up and enjoy a meal together.

Cobber had drunk about half his pint of Carlton Draught when Sheldon dropped a bombshell on him. Sheldon told his father:

            “dad, I'v kept a secret from you. I'll come right out and say it, I'm gay!”

Cobber looked stunned for a moment, and then bumbled his way through an excruciating yet well-meaning conversation with his son, an eye witness told the Times that their conversation went like this:

Cobber:            righto Sheldon, you mean like, you support gay marriage?

Sheldon:           I mean, I am a homosexual, I am gay!

Cobber:           how gay?

Sheldon:          excuse me?

Cobber:           um, like… Mardi Gras cage dancing gay or Bruce McAvaney gay?

Sheldon:          dad…  

Cobber:           aw shit son, I don’t mean to be insensitive, it’s OK if you’re a poofter mate. I’m proud of you no matter what.

Sheldon:         thanks dad, could we drop the ‘poofter’ business though?

Cobber:           absolutely son, I’m happy you told me, ya big poof, come here

*hugs Sheldon and ruffles his hair*.

Onlookers report that the pair shared a few more drinks, before Cobber began musing about homosexuality:

“you must take after your mother, when we were growing up all our mates used to call her Ms PacMan, she could suck-start a Harley Davidson boy… you'll be the belle of the ball with those skills boy…"   

Sheldon, unable to find the words to respond to his father's intensely awkward story, simply smiled and nodded.