Rex Antwood has secretly been in love with childhood friend Cindy Cummings since the pair met in 2002. On the other hand, Cindy has always praised Rex on the fact he is a "real sweetie" and "the best friend a gal could have". For Rex, these compliments go down like razor blades.
The pair caught up for a chat at the McCafe on Canning Highway on Thursday night. The evening took a turn for the worst when Rex left his jacket unattended to visit the bathroom. Cindy, craving a macaroon, reached into Rex's jacket where he normally keeps loose change, what Cindy found rocked her to the core:
"I reached in and pulled out 5 condoms and a tube of lube with the name "Cindy" written on it with permanent marker. I was totally shocked. It couldn't have been a joke, the tube was really crusty and mangled... clearly has been used in the heat of the self-moment. I am going to be sick".
Rex exited the toilet oblivious to the storm that was brewing back at the table. As he approached the table he noticed that the contents of his pocket had been discovered. Knowing it would be impossible to talk his way out of it, he grabbed the lube and bailed into the night. He later sent Cindy a text message saying, "I've always loved you Cindy. Lets cuddle and work this out".
Cindy has been in a state of shock and hasn't replied to the text yet, she told the Times:
"It was one of the least romantic moments of my life. I view Rex as a friend, but clearly Rex views me as someone who would be keen to get lubed up in the toilet of a McCafe.... i mean, i am, but just not with him".
Gross Rex.
Rex is a dirty boy.
Cindy is a cunt
Who writes this? this is funny as fuck
Good morning Mr Lambert. We don't know much about our writer. We know him as Mr X.
Cindy is an idiot.an oblivious idiot.
journalistic genius
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