Court Orders Hipster to Shave Off Rancid Mustache

2 August 2013, 9:15am

Leederville Hipster, Branson Reid, was apprehended by police on Thursday evening outside the Velvet Lounge in Mount Lawley, for disorderly conduct in public.

Police allege that Reid's disgusting, pubic hair-like mustache was offensive and frankly, horrible to look at. Constable Donger told the Times:

"Enough is enough. Blokes are trying to enjoy a cold beer on a Thursday evening, and they have to look at this insufferable hipster's rank mustache the entire time. It's against the public order mate. I envision a world, where a man can enjoy a beer in Mount Lawley, without having to look at some shit-eating hipster".

Reid fronted the Perth Magistrates Court on Friday morning and asked for an adjournment so that he could obtain legal advice. The Magistrate was less than impressed and denied Reid's request. The Magistrate remarked:

"There is simply no way I will allow you to walk around with that greasy shit-stain that you call a mustache for a further 2 weeks. Your request for an adjournment is denied and you will follow the bailiff into the nearest public restroom to have that "thing" removed from your lip Mr Reid".

The Times spoke to Reid outside the Court and he told us:

"This sucks, brah. I had a 1990's Hip Hop appreciation night to attend at this Warehouse part-ay tonight. Totes underground, you wouldn't have heard of it brah, I feel so square without my 'stache".

Justice served.