Soccer Australia: Gay Marriage Would Tear Us Apart

27 August 2013, 6:45am

Football Federation Australia has made international headlines by publicly opposing gay marriage in Australia, on the grounds that it would create an unacceptable conflict of interest between the teams.

Football, or "Soccer" as its called in Australia has a higher concentration of homosexual athletes than any other code in the world. A fact that European football leagues are fiercely proud of.

Australian soccer bosses said that Australian soccer teams would struggle to cope with the massive influx of players requiring time off to get married and to honeymoon.

Of more concern to Australian Soccer, is the real possibility that players from opposition teams will consummate their steamy romances, that previously were celebrated in the depths of the change rooms after matches. We spoke to a fan of Perth Glory who said;

"I have nothing against the gays. Live and let live.... but I'm worried that the players will go easy on each other because they now share a marital bed. It's a conflict of interest... plus when over half our teams marry each other, the AFL boys will make [more] fun of us".

Gay right's groups understand the widespread impact that legalising gay marriage will have on Australian Soccer and is lobbying the Federation to change their stance and support gay marriage, provided that players do not tie the knot in a World Cup Qualifying year and promise to dive just as shamelessly when playing their partner's teams.

Go go go, ole ole ole!