Unemployed Loser Reckons Boat People Are a Drain on the Economy

2 August 2013, 2:15pm

Robert "Robbo" Jackson, 25, contacted the Bell Tower Times to vent his frustration about the "constant stream" of boat people that are "flooding"into Australia.

Intrigued by the average punter's point of view on complicated foreign policy, we arranged an interview with Mr Jackson at his choice of venue, The Bayswater Tavern, 1:30pm on a Monday.

We sent out best journalist, Mr X, down to the Baysie to conduct the interview. Here are excerpts from the transcript of the interview:

BTT:              
Good afternoon Mr Jackson, thank you for taking time out of your schedule to speak to us.
Robbo:          
Ha, thanks cob. I’m sort of “in between jobs” at the moment, so no wukkas.
BTT:              
Right. So we understand that you have some strong views about asylum seekers?
Robbo:           
Only thing they are seeking is Centrelink mate. Total drain on the economy… What do they do for Australia?
BTT:             
 In what sense?
Robbo:          
They come over on boats, they don’t work, they don’t assimilate with us Aussies. It’s just take, take, take with that lot, ya know?
BTT:               
So, how would you deal with “boat people”?
Robbo:           
Arrive by boat, f**k off and sit in prison.
BTT:             
  I assume you will be voting Labor then?
Robbo:         
 Voting is for poofters mate, ‘sif im ruining me sat’dee morning sleep-in to vote for a bunch of shirt and tie wearing wankers.
BTT:               
At least we found some middle-ground. .
Robbo:           
Oi, just stop the boats, ay!
After the interview, we sat with Mr Jackson while he cracked can after can of Bundaberg and Cola, scoured the Racing Form and mused about his next bet. 

We were left with a confused feeling. Mr Jackson was clearly an unemployed drongo who was allergic to employment, yet, he seemed to give the issue of illegal immigration the same careful consideration and compassion as our nations top politicians.

Just stop the boats, ay. 

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