Local Tough Guy Dissatisfied with Weekend's Biffo

19 August 2013, 11:30am

East Perth resident, Tony Rager, is known to his friends and families as a menacing figure that enjoys a bit of biffo on the weekend.

Rager has been known to both instigate fights and to join other peoples fights and  "swing hooks" with a reckless abandon that has been described as "Mike Tyson-esque".

On 17 August 2013, Rager headed to the Empire Bar in his trade-mark Saturday night look - a tap out shirt, Muay Thai kickboxing shorts and a pair of Timberland steel capped boots. Rager believes that his trademark outfit is essential to being victorious in his vicious assaults.

Unfortunately for Rager, the patrons at the Empire Bar were simply having none of it. Not even the husky bouncers seems interested in reacting to Rager's jeers and intense staring. Remarkably, Rager was unable to start even one fight at the popular FIFO bar.

Rager told the Times:
"I tried all my tricks - standing in peoples way and yelling at them when they brushed past me, calling people homos, slapping chicks on the ass in front of their fellers. Nothing was working for me. It's a real pain in the ass too, cos I am banned from my usual stomping ground - the Crown Casino. Some shit about being a repeat offender. Casino c**ts".
Tommy Long, an associate of Rager, told the Times that Rager had to settle for belting a Taxi driver after refusing to pay the fair. He told us:
"Flogging taxi drivers isn't where Rager wants to be at in his brawling career ya know? Anyone can do that stuff. He is pretty bummed that it came to that. I think he should just cut his loses and move to Port Hedland or Kalgoorlie. Both are an all-you-can brawl buffet". 
Residents in Port Hedland and Kalgoorlie are warned to expect "cyclone Rager".