Scientific Breakthrough: Smugness Directly Linked to Fitness

15 August 2013, 7:00am

Scientists previously believed that chronic wealth was the primary cause of smugness and a disproportionate sense of self worth.

Our nations wealthy can breath a sigh of relief, as smugness has a new cause.

In a startling breakthrough, a study by Western Australian scientists has shown a strong correlation between a persons level of fitness and their level of smugness.

Head scientist, Beavis Simmons, wrote on his research website:

"It is clear from our studies that fit people are often smug. There are some exceptions to the rule, however we found high traces of smugness in our "fit and healthy" test subjects as compared to our "fat slob" test subjects...
 In some instances, a persons level of smugness can rise sharply while they are in the process of exercising... for example, pea-cocking around the weights bench, yelling slogans like 'No Pain No Gain Baby" and general smirk'ery".
Simmons has warned that left unchecked, smugness can turn someone into an insufferable cock-muncher. Simmons urges people to seek help if they experience any of the following symptoms:
1. Using social media to "check in" at the gym; 
2. Strong beliefs that "soft bodies" are wasting their lives; 
3. Consumption of protein shakes in public; 
4. Giving unsolicited fitness advice; 
5. Wearing bicycle tights at Cafe`s (or in general);
6. Shadow-boxing in public. 
Remember readers, friends don't let friends "check in" at the gym.

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