Ugly Scenes in Cottesloe: Man Adds Ice To His Pint of Beer

10 November 2013, 4:20pm 

A horrific scene of un-Australianism has erupted at a popular bar located on Cottesloe beach this afternoon, when a local man, Charlie Daniels, buckled under the pressure of the 38 degree heat and added a couple of ice cubes to his pint of Carlton Draught.

Naturally, Daniel's mates took immediate offence to the unorthodox decision to add ice to beer. However, a German tourist, Hans Gunten, who was sitting near Daniels took particular offence to the scene, told The Bell Tower Times:
"Oh mein gott (oh my god), what a sacrilege to the fine tradition of beer. If he wanted watery beer why not order an American Budweiser yah? In Germany, he would be laughed our of the Beer Hall, it is the [brat]worst thing I've ever seen".
Daniels was observed sipping his pint and being noticeably repulsed by the watery beer that had been caused by the a scientific process known as dilution and some shit to do with the density of the beer compared to the water (the top was watery).

The Bell Tower Times was on the scene to take this exclusive statement from Daniels:
"I'm pretty embarrassed  A couple of cute backpackers were giggling at me and one raised her little finer to indicate I had a tiny, flaccid cock. I suppose I deserved it. I ruined my beer, pissed off a German and was humiliated by my mates. To make matters worse, my girlfriend bought me the next round, a glass of chardonnay with a tampon on the side, as the kids say... fuck my life".
If you want your beer to stay cold, order a middie, drink it faster or take a good hard look at yourself.

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