Clive Palmer Announces Plans to Build a Time Machine

5 February 2014, 9:00am

Clive Palmer's Titanic is still under construction and in his words the project is "uniting Europe". Well, Clive is about to unite the entire cosmos with his announcement that he is dedicating his substantial resource to building a time machine.

Clive announced that he was making his time machine a priority so that the mistakes of the past can be corrected - he is in part referring to the Australian Electoral Commission's bungling of the senate vote in the 2013 federal election.

Some political commentators have cast doubt on Clive's new project - with some asking the tycoon/senator whether he has finally "blown a fuse" and "lost the plot". In true Palmer fashion, he aggressively responded to his critics:
"My time machine will be he greatest invention that man kind has ever seen. I have a team of over a thousand of the top scientists in the world to assist  with the project. The Prime Minister has even thrown his support behind the time machine - he believes that he can utilise he technology to go back to he 1980's and stop Queen forming - therefore curing the world of homosexuality. Anyone who says I cant do this is probably a Russian eco-terrorist mate, they don't know what they are talking about".
We understand that Clive wrote a rambling letter to Steven Hawking asking him to assist with the project. In his letter, Clive tells the physics genius that he has already replicated the car from Back to the Future but considers that technology to be inferior, based on the risk of being transported back to a period in time where petroleum has not yet been refined for use in automobiles.

We hope Clive gets the help he so badly needs.

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