Seedy Bloke Offering to Apply Sunscreen Spotted on Perth Beaches

30 December 2013, 12:30pm

The Bell Tower Times has been inundated with reports of a large, bald Irishman that has been seen patrolling Perth beaches and offering females complimentary sunscreen and an additional offer to "make sure its all rubbed in good and proper".

We spoke to a surf lifesaver at Cottesloe Beach who told us that the man, dubbed "Big Seedy" was not sanctioned by any legitimate authority and is most likely dishing out the free sun protection as a means to get his hairy knuckles on the backs of beautiful young woman.

We spoke to Cindy Tan, 23, who was approached by Big Seedy on Saturday morning:

"This big, gross, bald dude came up to me and said that he was making sure no one got burnt this summer. He offered me some sunblock and I told him that I already had some. He then said that it would be a shame if my 'oriental tan' turned into 'sizzling pork chow mein' and that I should let him make sure the sunscreen was applied properly. So yuk. I just got up and walked away".

Another victim of Big Seed, Samantha Young, 21, told us:

"I'd say he is about 30 years old and speaks with a strong Irish accent. When he approached me he was clearly drunk and told me that I had 'missed a spot' on my lower back. I told him my boyfie was in the water and he should fuck off. Seriously, what a creep!".

Technically, Big Seedy is not committing any offences as he is seeking consent to touch the woman. Nevertheless, he is making a nuisance of himself and we urge anyone who witnesses him in action to have a word to him.

A reminder to all this summer - don't be a sex pest.