Perth Teens Lead the World in Coffee Smoking

9 April 2014, 11:30am

Coffee smoking has reached pandemic proportions in Perth, Western Australia. With 1 in 3 teenagers admitting to smoking coffee beans in the last 6 months. 

Teenagers have experimented with caffeine since the dawn of time. Whether it be skolling 4 packs of Redbull or bombing pill after pill of NoDoz. It can’t be denied, caffeine is effective.

A recent survey conducted in Perth highschools has revealed that a staggering 30% of teenagers have taken to smoking coffee beans through a glass pipe, bong or in a joint. The practice has health authorities worried - not due to the damage that burnt coffee matter can do to ones lungs - but at how stupid Perth teenagers are getting.

We spoke to a Doctor who treated a young Perth woman for complications relating to the smoking of coffee:
"The Darwin Awards spring to mind. The effects of smoking coffee include a mild buzz, nausea, anxiety and of course, sore and tender lungs from inhaling burnt coffee. The practice is pointless, given that you will receive a much stronger "high" from simply drinking coffee like a normal person. I tell you, kids are getting dumber each generation".
We spoke to a teenage boy from a prestigious private school who is a recreational user of coffee:
"Punching espressies. Fark yeh boi. There is no greater rush. As soon as the thick white smoke hits your lungs, you are in flavour town boiiiiii. I'll never stop. Fuck the law".
We would like to point out that smoking coffee is legal, however there may be legal consequences in regards to owning a glass pipe.

On another note, what a little turd.  We can’t be sure, but we think the blame can be directed at Instagram and selfies. Why? Because we can’t think of any other logical reason for smoking coffee beans.

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