Holden Release 'Rev" Powered Penis Pump

19 January 2014, 11:30am

Nothing screams 'pin dick' more than a dirty bogan revving his V8 Commodore at the lights and doing his best to look generally 'bad ass'.

Holden may have betrayed Australia by moving manufacturing off our hallowed land, however, they have not lost touch with what Australian V8 drivers need - 8000rpm's of pure overcompensation. Accordingly, Holden has announced the release of the Holden Penis Pump - a device that will help increase the length and girth of the driver's dick which each obnoxious rev of his engine.

Dubbed, the 'Cockodore', the device is expected to fly of the shelves and potentially earn Holden more money than their shameful Astra model. A Holden spokesperson released the following statement:
"Bad boys, fast cars but unfortunately, tiny dicks. Holden has dedicated itself to solving this problem - we therefore created a penis enlarging device that responds to the ferocity of the driver's revving. The device is brilliant because it will come full cycle - once the driver has revved his penis to an acceptable size, he will no longer be prone to driving his car in an obnoxious manner - he can then pass on the pump to his son".
We attended a local Perth Commodore Club car cruise on Thursday night to speak to V8 drivers about the penis pump. An SS driver told us:
"Great idea. Me missus always told me that if I could throttle her like I throttled me car, she would be a happy lady. Looks like i'l finally have the hardware off the road to sort business out".
A Club Sport driver told us:
"Oi. There is nothing wrong with me tackle. Saying that, whats the recomended retail price on one? I'm asking for a mate".
Revheads around the country can now rejoice - all the power of a V8 without the need to overcompensate.

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