Nedlands Man Questions Sexuality Over Disinterest in Lingerie Football

8 January 2014, 10:00am

The lingerie football league was launched in Australia in 2013 and demanded the attention of Perth men and woman alike. Basically, the sport is a variation of American Gridiron, where the female athletes where racy lingerie.

Hundreds of Perth woman tried out for a spot in the team, who played regular fixtures at NIB Stadium last year. The games drew huge crowds and gained impressive ratings on television. Apart from a few voices of opposition, the series was a success.

Nedlands man, Gavin Smith, 22, was left deeply troubled by the spectacle. It wasn't that he was a Gridiron purist, nor was he flying the flag of feminism and accusing the sport of degrading woman, Gavin simply had no interest in watching the games.

The Bell Tower Times spoke to Gavin about his troubles:
"I like to think of myself as a hot blooded man. However, I just had absolutely no desire to tune in and watch the lingerie football league. All my mates huddled together and got proper drunk watching the games, hooting and hollering, making comments about the girls bodies and going troppo if there was any sign of a nip-slip of a knicker's dip. Not me though, I sat in the corner wondering if I was turning gay or some shit".
We pressed Gavin on how he addressed his inner turmoil:
"I didn't deal with it well to be honest. I sent a 4 page ranting email to an ex girlfriend, asking her whether she thought at any point in our two year relationship that I might be a homo. She told me that I was always sensitive and perhaps my disinterest in the league was due to my overbearing respect for woman. I still have my doubts though".
  We spoke to Gavin's best friend, Will Garner, 23, who told us:
"Gav really beat himself up over it. I remember on New Years Eve, he got really drunk and started asking random guys at the Paddington whether they thought he was flirting with them or not. It was getting out of hand. I had to pull him aside and tell him to snap out of it. He was weirding us all out ay".
We are led to believe that Gavin never resolved his inner confusion over his sexuality until he forced himself to watch every single game of the lingerie football league. To his relief, he found the games to be engrossing and at one point found himself playing "pocket billiards" with his testicles.

The nation can release a massive sigh of relief, Gavin has sorted his shit out.

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