Yikes - Man Passes Out While Sniffing Chair and Masturbating

18 January 2014, 9:30am

People only need to know two things about Simon Gerry - firstly, he is a manager at an inner city accounting firm and secondly, he is obsessed with a young Asian female that works along side him.

Gerry constantly struggles to keep his simmering sleaziness towards Lee Tan from boiling over and has a shameful history of behavior that borders on sexual harassment.

On one occasion, Gerry refused to accept that Tan didn't want to consume alcohol at a work function. Despite her protests, Gerry brought her a triple shot rum and coke and was observed begging her to drink it. Another notable example is when Gerry sent Tan a picture of a large breasted Asian woman with the caption, "Hungry for Chinese?".

Gerry's conduct hit an all time low last night, when a colleague caught him passed out in Tan's office, with his pants around his ankles, on his knees, with his penis in his hand and his face on Tan's chair. Gerry had clearly passed out while sniffing Tan's chair while masturbating furiously. There was also signs of blood on the carpet which suggests that Gerry was not being gentle with himself.

We contacted Tan to ask her about her feeling towards the incident:
"Ew, ew, ew, ew. He is such a dirty creep. I always suspected that he sniffed my chair, as I occasionally find little hairs on my seat that could only have come from a mans head. It is so sickening. OMG, i just remembered that he bought my old bike off me. Now I totally know why.... he is going to have an all you can sniff buffet and toss himself senseless in he process".
We tried to contact Gerry to ask him why he was masturbating while sniffing Tan's chair, however he refused to speak to us. Not to be deterred we decided to speak to his wife, she told us:
"Simon obviously has a crush on this little Asian girl. I remember we went to her engagement party and Simon just sat in a corner staring at her. I'm not surprised that he was caught wanking while sniffing her chair. He once bought me a kimono for Christmas and begged me to give him a massage while speaking in an Asian accent - I did it - and he spent the entire massage grinding his dick against the bed. Anyone know a good divorce lawyer?".
You are a filthy man Simon.

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